Deciding to End a Marriage…Red Flags and Indicators

It's no surprise that many people who eventually decide to end a marriage have first entertain the idea a year or more prior to taking action. A client who was married for over 17 years confided in me that she initially contemplated leaving her marriage during her first year or marriage!!!  Even if this is a clear sign of deeper issues, these early red flags and deciding to end a marriage remains incredibly challenging. Often, people only reach a resolution because their partner, who has been contemplating leaving for ages, decides to leave them first.

Why do people wait so long? Why do people make such sacrifices? My education in psychology background does little to help me to understand this because of the complexities of each marriage and in making this decision to divorce. Based on my experiences, here’s what I’ve learned...

• When people vow “for better or worse,” many genuinely mean it. They enter marriage committed to overcoming any obstacle. However, sacrificing your own well-being isn’t always healthy.

• If your marriage feels like an ongoing struggle, you might be with the wrong person.

• If you frequently dislike who you are in the relationship, it’s worth questioning if it’s the right match.

• Feeling bullied, controlled, ignored, or misunderstood? These are red flags that you might be with the wrong person.

• Staying together for the sake of the children can create more issues. Kids need to witness a healthy, loving relationship to understand what one looks like.

• A fulfilling relationship with two respectful and mature adults often feels nearly effortless.

• The right partner inspires you to become your best self, because you feel truly fortunate to have them in your life.

There are many factors involved in deciding if you should stay or if you leave a marriage. It’s a deeply personal decision.